Grace

The older I get and the more I learn about myself, the more unwilling I am to put myself in a position where I have to lie about how I feel. This seems to me an honoring of myself, to appreciate myself and to trust myself enough to know that if I'm lying about it, then it's not worth the time it takes to do. It's not worth the effort I must put forth to put on a happy face and go forth into whatever it is. To do so is a denial of who I am, and who I am is precious enough to protect against falsehood. After all, our actions speak for who we are.

I want to get up in the morning and have the freedom to say "Today, I do what I want because it is important to me, because it honors my life or that of the people most important to me." I do not want to end the day mourning the loss of precious time to conform to some social obligation or constraint, simply because it is what it is expected of me.

Why wait until I am much older to stand up for myself and refuse to do that which does not bring me joy? Would it not be a better use of time, a better way to honor the God who made me and to cherish those whom I hold most dear, to spend my time with them? Who deserves more of me: those whom I love and who love me? or those who make up the rest of the outer world?

I choose to honor my family. I choose to honor my friends, who love me and support me and cherish me for the unique person I am. I choose to live my own life, instead of the one society says I must. I choose to honor myself. It does not make me feel selfish, it does not make me selfish. When I choose to spend my time with or doing for those whom I love, it is a way of cherishing the gifts I have been given, the treasures of the people in my life.

The rest can just quietly slip away, like the unimportant flotsam it is.