It's been a while

Like Thumper says: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

I haven't had anything nice to say in a while. Life has been quite a roller coaster lately.

With another down today.

The funny thing is, since life isn't definite, like a roller coaster, one never knows when what appears to be a down really might be an up, saving you from an even worse down we never know about.

It is so hard to not base one's self-esteem on what other people think.

I have to remember that I am a strong, independent woman who is beautiful and smart and perfect in her own imperfect way. God made me this way.

I am a work in progress. What does not kill me will make me stronger.

Everything happens for a reason, even the things that crush us.

Strange Fire

When you learn to love yourself

You will dissolve all the stones that are cast

Now you will learn to burn the icing sky

To melt the waxen mask

I said to have the gift of true release

This is a peace that will take you higher

Oh I come to you with my offering

I bring you strange fire

This is a message

A message of love

Love that moves from the inside out

Love that never grows tired

I come to you with strange fire

--lyrics by Indigo Girls

Indifference

To a person who only wants to be heard and understood, being ignored is sometimes cruel violence.

Neat Quotes That Speak to Me Right Now

"Love is a choice you make from moment to moment."--Barbara De Angelis

"How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light."--Barry Lopez

"Choose
The single clenched fist lifted and ready,
Or the open hand held out and waiting.
Choose:
For we meet by one or the other."--Carl Sandburg

"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny."--Elaine Maxwell

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."--Martin Luther King, Jr.

"I'm doing what I think I was put on this earth to do. And I'm really grateful to have something that I'm passionate about and that I think is profoundly important."--Marian Wright Edelman

"The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt but in spite of doubt."--Rollo May

"The secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it."--Pearl S. Buck

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."--Theodore Roosevelt

"Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible -- the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family."--Virginia Satir

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."--Albert Schweitzer

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve."--Albert Schweitzer

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude."--Denis Waitley

Crisis of Identity

I feel cheated. I really thought, when I was younger, that I would have all the answers when I grew up. I remember going through a crisis of identity in my mid-20s, and I was so happy when it was over. It was one of the worst times in my life. I didn't know who I was or what I stood for.

Now I'm at the beginning of my 30s and I'm having the same problem, and I just don't think it's fair. Shouldn't I know by now who I am? What's important to me? Or is this stuff going to continue to change my whole life! Do I have to go through this every decade? I'm not sure if my family can stand it.

I wish I could just sit down and write a list, and say: This is it. This is me. This is who I am, and if you don't like it, tough. I spend so much time trying to be all things to everyone, and part of me likes that I am versatile like that, but I sometimes feel lost in the middle of that. Especially when what one person wants conflicts with what another person wants, or even with what I want. I have a hard time justifying saying: "This is what I want, and I'm going to do what I want."

Is part of growing up learning to say that? And how do you decide when other people's priorities are more important than your own?

Survey

Does the statement describe you or not?
I love to be the center of attention.
True

I have a tattoo.
not yet

I have a piercing.
Ears

I have a cat.
two

I have a dog.
not yet

I have been sent to the principal's office.
not while I was in school, I is an adult now

I have been suspended.
no

I have gotten detention.
no

I have been expelled.
no

I have gotten in a fight at school.
no

I have lost an iPod.
no

I have lost a cell phone.
no

I have listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
yes

I have listened to rap and enjoyed it.
yes

I have listened to showtunes and enjoyed it.
Hell yeah

I have seen a movie with Lindsay Lohan in it.
I...don't think so.

I have taken an art class.
yes

I have written a song.
no

I have written a poem.
yes

I have been part of a wedding party.
yes

I have been to a funeral.
Unfortunately

I have baked a cake.
yep

I have baked cookies.
yep

I have bought shoes that cost over a hundred dollars.
Um, no. Can't imagine it, either

I have made fun of someone.
Unfortunately

I have read a Harry Potter book.
All of them.

I have read the Chronicles of Narnia.
Yes, the whole series

I have read A Series if Unfortunate Events.
nope

I have read A Wrinkle in Time.
Yes

I have read Animal Farm.
yes

I have read the dictionary.
not cover to cover, but I use it for its intended purpose

I own a dictionary.
yes

I own a thesaurus.
yes

I have lost a text book.
yes

I have had a cavity.
yes

I have broken a bone.
yes

I have had an X-Ray.
yes

I have broken a bone.
yes

I have had chicken pox.
yes

I have had pnuemonia.
no

I have had a child.
yes

I have been in a parade.
yes

I have sung karaoke.
yes, and love it!

I have had a cup of tea.
yep. Dumb question, though

I have sang in public.
yep

I have danced in public.
yep

I have made a teacher cry.
Not to my knowledge

I have made a teacher laugh.
yes

I have been to the house of one of my teachers.
yes

I have seen The Princess Bride.
hell yeah!

I have faked sick.
yes

I have taken a foreign language class.
yes

I have spoke in a British accent for an entire day.
Not for an entire day, but for extended periods of time

I have fallen off a horse.
no

I have ridden a horse.
yes

I have placed a saddle on a horse.
yes

I have driven a tractor.
yes

I have held a duck.
touched, but not held

I have held a shark.
no

I have held an iguana.
yes

I have held a rabbit.
yes

I have held a hamster.
yes

I have held a guinea pig.
yes

I have held a mouse.
yes

I have held a rat.
no

I have held a chick.
yep

I have held a cat.
many times

I have gotten a free doughnut at Krispy Kreme.
no

I have cried myself to sleep.
yes

I have written a love letter.
yes

I have received a love letter.
yep

I have been to Disneyland.
yep

I have left the country.
yep

I am British.
no

I am German.
yes

I am Spanish.
no

I am Asian.
no

I am Italian.
no

I am Black.
no

I am Scottish.
no

I am Swiss.
no

I am Irish.
yes

I am tall.
no

I am fat.
no

I am skinny.
no

I am in love.
Sure am

I am loved.
Absolutely

I am alive.
as can be

I am happy.
yep

I am confused.
sometimes

I am depressed.
almost never

I am excited.
yep

I wish it were summer.
It IS summer!

I wish I was older.
no

I wish I was younger.
some days

I wish I could start over.
some days

I miss someone.
yep

Water

So, all that snow I wrote about in the last post is melting, and now they're calling for river flooding.

Not that we didn't see this coming, of course.

But it's kind of impressive how fast the river is actually rising. It's noticeable from one day to the next.

Seems like the s*** hits the fan every time I leave the valley on vacation.

Well, Moab, here I come! :)