Dear Little Miss,
You are growing up so fast, and now you are six and a half years old. You are learning to read and write, and your intelligence astounds me. You keep me on my toes and challenge me to be a better person. For that, I thank you.
Today: you climbed into bed with us this morning, with your sweet little-girl smell and your tousled hair, and your beautiful sleepy smile. You tried to let us sleep by watching TV in the living room on your own, a beautiful, sweet gesture.
You are learning songs from various musicals for your school show, and some of them are from the movie Annie. So, I dug out my DVD copy of Annie and showed you the parts with the songs. You love the song Hard Knock Life...and I laughed so damn hard when you sang "It's a hard-knock life, for me" when I made you clean up your room! It's funny because I did the exact same thing when I was your age and my mom made me clean up my room!
Time is a funny thing. I sure never expected to show Annie, my favorite movie when I was six, to my six year old daughter. It sure is a sweet feeling, though, even if I did cry through the whole thing, for lost innocence and lost friends.
My hope, in writing this, is that these are the things I will remember about this day, and not all the frustrating things that happened between us, which are normal parts of growing up as mother and daughter together.
I love you, Little Miss, and I always will, no matter what.
Love,
Mommy
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Friday, October 8, 2010
National Exposure
I'm so incredibly thrilled to report that I will be presenting two (count 'em, TWO) classes at the 2011 Navigator Conference--the National Academies of Emergency Dispatch annual national conference. In Vegas, no less!
That's right, I get to teach classes at a NATIONAL conference!
I am over the moon excited and thrilled!
I have the best job in the world!
That's right, I get to teach classes at a NATIONAL conference!
I am over the moon excited and thrilled!
I have the best job in the world!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
What It Comes Down To
If I needed you, would you come to me?
Would you come to me for to ease my pain?
If you needed me, I would come to you.
I would swim the sea for to ease your pain.
Well the night's forlorn and the morning's born
And the morning's born with the lights of love.
And you'll miss sunrise if you close your eyes,
And that would break my heart in two.
If I needed you, would you come to me?
Would you come to me for to ease my pain?
If you needed me, I would come to you.
I would swim the sea for to ease your pain.
--Don Williams
Would you come to me for to ease my pain?
If you needed me, I would come to you.
I would swim the sea for to ease your pain.
Well the night's forlorn and the morning's born
And the morning's born with the lights of love.
And you'll miss sunrise if you close your eyes,
And that would break my heart in two.
If I needed you, would you come to me?
Would you come to me for to ease my pain?
If you needed me, I would come to you.
I would swim the sea for to ease your pain.
--Don Williams
Friday, May 7, 2010
Bucket List
Subject to revision on a regular basis:
Dance sexy in a slinky dress on a grand piano
Write a book
Reconcile my love for my work with my love for my family
Dance on a mountaintop a la Sound of Music
Present a class at Navigator 2011 at Paris Las Vegas
Dance my brains out at Lady Gaga's concert in Denver
Celebrate 50 years of friendship with Susie and Cathi
Continue to make my parents proud
Continue to live debt-free (excepting the mortgage)
Live my life according to my principles
Get 8 hours of sleep on a regular basis
Find a balance enough to read every day
More as I think of them...
Dance sexy in a slinky dress on a grand piano
Write a book
Reconcile my love for my work with my love for my family
Dance on a mountaintop a la Sound of Music
Present a class at Navigator 2011 at Paris Las Vegas
Dance my brains out at Lady Gaga's concert in Denver
Celebrate 50 years of friendship with Susie and Cathi
Continue to make my parents proud
Continue to live debt-free (excepting the mortgage)
Live my life according to my principles
Get 8 hours of sleep on a regular basis
Find a balance enough to read every day
More as I think of them...
Friday, March 26, 2010
Waterfalls
From a website on dream interpretation:
Waterfalls are a beautiful symbol of rebirth--a cleansing and purification, a washing away of the old so that the new may come into being. If you are standing in a waterfall this can symbolize a form of baptism or initiation. Waterfalls are usually very positive dream symbols and can also be associated with starting a new life in some manner.
My own thoughts:
Waterfalls flow strongly forward until they reach the edge, where they throw themselves fearlessly into space. One whole becomes individual water droplets free-falling into the silky, misty air, reflecting rainbows and fractious light. Separate, but together creating a cascade of a new, different whole. Ever changing, always creating a thing of majestic beauty, their destiny shaped by law of gravity they at once defy and obey. Gracing the air and all around them with their presence, they're a privilege to behold...and impossible to hold.
I feel like I've been standing in the waterfall and am ready to emerge, clean and with eyes freshly cleansed, to see what happens next.
Waterfalls are a beautiful symbol of rebirth--a cleansing and purification, a washing away of the old so that the new may come into being. If you are standing in a waterfall this can symbolize a form of baptism or initiation. Waterfalls are usually very positive dream symbols and can also be associated with starting a new life in some manner.
My own thoughts:
Waterfalls flow strongly forward until they reach the edge, where they throw themselves fearlessly into space. One whole becomes individual water droplets free-falling into the silky, misty air, reflecting rainbows and fractious light. Separate, but together creating a cascade of a new, different whole. Ever changing, always creating a thing of majestic beauty, their destiny shaped by law of gravity they at once defy and obey. Gracing the air and all around them with their presence, they're a privilege to behold...and impossible to hold.
I feel like I've been standing in the waterfall and am ready to emerge, clean and with eyes freshly cleansed, to see what happens next.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Grace
The older I get and the more I learn about myself, the more unwilling I am to put myself in a position where I have to lie about how I feel. This seems to me an honoring of myself, to appreciate myself and to trust myself enough to know that if I'm lying about it, then it's not worth the time it takes to do. It's not worth the effort I must put forth to put on a happy face and go forth into whatever it is. To do so is a denial of who I am, and who I am is precious enough to protect against falsehood. After all, our actions speak for who we are.
I want to get up in the morning and have the freedom to say "Today, I do what I want because it is important to me, because it honors my life or that of the people most important to me." I do not want to end the day mourning the loss of precious time to conform to some social obligation or constraint, simply because it is what it is expected of me.
Why wait until I am much older to stand up for myself and refuse to do that which does not bring me joy? Would it not be a better use of time, a better way to honor the God who made me and to cherish those whom I hold most dear, to spend my time with them? Who deserves more of me: those whom I love and who love me? or those who make up the rest of the outer world?
I choose to honor my family. I choose to honor my friends, who love me and support me and cherish me for the unique person I am. I choose to live my own life, instead of the one society says I must. I choose to honor myself. It does not make me feel selfish, it does not make me selfish. When I choose to spend my time with or doing for those whom I love, it is a way of cherishing the gifts I have been given, the treasures of the people in my life.
The rest can just quietly slip away, like the unimportant flotsam it is.
I want to get up in the morning and have the freedom to say "Today, I do what I want because it is important to me, because it honors my life or that of the people most important to me." I do not want to end the day mourning the loss of precious time to conform to some social obligation or constraint, simply because it is what it is expected of me.
Why wait until I am much older to stand up for myself and refuse to do that which does not bring me joy? Would it not be a better use of time, a better way to honor the God who made me and to cherish those whom I hold most dear, to spend my time with them? Who deserves more of me: those whom I love and who love me? or those who make up the rest of the outer world?
I choose to honor my family. I choose to honor my friends, who love me and support me and cherish me for the unique person I am. I choose to live my own life, instead of the one society says I must. I choose to honor myself. It does not make me feel selfish, it does not make me selfish. When I choose to spend my time with or doing for those whom I love, it is a way of cherishing the gifts I have been given, the treasures of the people in my life.
The rest can just quietly slip away, like the unimportant flotsam it is.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Blessed with Lifelong Friendships
I am not a person who easily makes friends with women. Most people who know me know this. And yet, I have been blessed in this lifetime with not one, but two, lifelong female friends. I am eternally grateful for these friendships and my life has been shaped and made infinitely better because of them.
One is my friend Cathi, whom I met in middle school through the school district's spelling bee. (That's 20 years ago, folks, for those keeping count.) She beat me in the contest, correctly spelling the word "indubitably" which I STILL have to double-check to make sure I get it right when I write it. Being beaten in a contest may seem like a strange way to start a friendship, but in fact that has characterized our friendship from the start. We have never been competitive with each other, and we complement each other very well. She is a wonderful person, very non-judgmental, funny, has a great outlook on life, and has a fashion sense I would kill for. She is very much her own person, and if she worries about what others think of her, she keeps it very close to her vest.
Our friendship has survived long distance (we attended colleges far from each other), deaths of family members, very different political outlooks, and differences of opinion on a variety of things. The beautiful aspect of our friendship is that we are able to celebrate each other's differences, and we rely on each other to provide a different way of thinking. We help each other get out of our heads and into someone else's thoughts, with no judgment passed and no rancor. There are very few people I trust with my deepest, darkest secrets, for fear that they might turn their backs on me. I never worry about that with Cathi, and I hope she knows that I extend her the same honor. I thank her for being in my life, and for being such a treasured part of mine.
As if that weren't enough, I am blessed with Susie.
I met Susie on the first day of kindergarten, when we were both 5 years old. We have been nearly inseparable since. Today, Susie turns 33 years old, and it is a rare thing to have known someone almost their entire life and not be related to them. Susie is gifted with patience, a wicked sense of humor, a gentleness I long to possess, the ability to stand her ground without being confrontational, and a strong commitment to being herself. She is my roller coaster partner, my friend, my confidante. She is the twin I never had. Although I love my husband very much, Susie is my soul mate in the sense that she knows my soul better than I do, knows when to boost me up and when to kick me in the butt and tell me I'm wrong. She truly knows the song in my heart, and sings it back to me when I forget it. I only hope that I am half the friend to her that she is to me.
I have saved cards, and letters, and notes passed in class, from each of these precious people. My life history could not be written without either of them. How incredibly lucky, and blessed, and graced I have been by these two incredible women. In a world where it's easier to leave people when they displease us, where commitment is sometimes a mushy thing, these women teach me every day about what it is to be a friend. I am humbled by, and truly grateful for, their friendship and their trust.
Thank you, Cathi.
Thank you, Susie.
Happy birthday, K.G.F.!
Thank you, God, for the sacred gift of lifelong friendship. I know it is rare, and I am incredibly blessed by these two people in my life.
One is my friend Cathi, whom I met in middle school through the school district's spelling bee. (That's 20 years ago, folks, for those keeping count.) She beat me in the contest, correctly spelling the word "indubitably" which I STILL have to double-check to make sure I get it right when I write it. Being beaten in a contest may seem like a strange way to start a friendship, but in fact that has characterized our friendship from the start. We have never been competitive with each other, and we complement each other very well. She is a wonderful person, very non-judgmental, funny, has a great outlook on life, and has a fashion sense I would kill for. She is very much her own person, and if she worries about what others think of her, she keeps it very close to her vest.
Our friendship has survived long distance (we attended colleges far from each other), deaths of family members, very different political outlooks, and differences of opinion on a variety of things. The beautiful aspect of our friendship is that we are able to celebrate each other's differences, and we rely on each other to provide a different way of thinking. We help each other get out of our heads and into someone else's thoughts, with no judgment passed and no rancor. There are very few people I trust with my deepest, darkest secrets, for fear that they might turn their backs on me. I never worry about that with Cathi, and I hope she knows that I extend her the same honor. I thank her for being in my life, and for being such a treasured part of mine.
As if that weren't enough, I am blessed with Susie.
I met Susie on the first day of kindergarten, when we were both 5 years old. We have been nearly inseparable since. Today, Susie turns 33 years old, and it is a rare thing to have known someone almost their entire life and not be related to them. Susie is gifted with patience, a wicked sense of humor, a gentleness I long to possess, the ability to stand her ground without being confrontational, and a strong commitment to being herself. She is my roller coaster partner, my friend, my confidante. She is the twin I never had. Although I love my husband very much, Susie is my soul mate in the sense that she knows my soul better than I do, knows when to boost me up and when to kick me in the butt and tell me I'm wrong. She truly knows the song in my heart, and sings it back to me when I forget it. I only hope that I am half the friend to her that she is to me.
I have saved cards, and letters, and notes passed in class, from each of these precious people. My life history could not be written without either of them. How incredibly lucky, and blessed, and graced I have been by these two incredible women. In a world where it's easier to leave people when they displease us, where commitment is sometimes a mushy thing, these women teach me every day about what it is to be a friend. I am humbled by, and truly grateful for, their friendship and their trust.
Thank you, Cathi.
Thank you, Susie.
Happy birthday, K.G.F.!
Thank you, God, for the sacred gift of lifelong friendship. I know it is rare, and I am incredibly blessed by these two people in my life.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
New Year, New Thoughts
This is 2010, a new year, and a new decade. These are the promises I make to myself, and by publishing them here, I hope to keep them and be held accountable.
1. Live my family life by the following values:
Health
Happiness
Family.
These values do not include having a spotless house, maintaining grudges, worrying about how much junk is riding around with me in my car, etc. They do encompass what I want in my life and how I want to treat those I love.
I refuse to start a new decade thinking the same thoughts that make me unhappy, doing the same things that make me unhappy, etc. I am in control of my life. I refuse to be a victim of my own negative thoughts.
In 2010 and thereafter, I resolve to banish negative thoughts and the cycle of arguments in which I've been stuck. I refuse to fight the same fights, both in my head and otherwise, that I spent 2009 fighting. No more will I be a prisoner to thoughts that weigh me down and take away from happiness.
What this really comes down to is self-control. If I can control myself at work and put forth a positive attitude there, then why not at home? And if I'm unhappy about things, who in the world is going to fix it if I don't? I'm responsible for my own happiness, no one else is. I've known this for a long time, but now I'm recommitting to taking responsibility and really deciding what I let into my life and what I simply dismiss as something I don't want in my life, in my mind, in my heart, in my soul.
I wish all my friends and family the best in 2010. I love you all more than I can say, and without you I would not be who I am. I hope to make you proud this year, this decade, this lifetime. I hope to be someone I can be proud of.
1. Live my family life by the following values:
Health
Happiness
Family.
These values do not include having a spotless house, maintaining grudges, worrying about how much junk is riding around with me in my car, etc. They do encompass what I want in my life and how I want to treat those I love.
I refuse to start a new decade thinking the same thoughts that make me unhappy, doing the same things that make me unhappy, etc. I am in control of my life. I refuse to be a victim of my own negative thoughts.
In 2010 and thereafter, I resolve to banish negative thoughts and the cycle of arguments in which I've been stuck. I refuse to fight the same fights, both in my head and otherwise, that I spent 2009 fighting. No more will I be a prisoner to thoughts that weigh me down and take away from happiness.
What this really comes down to is self-control. If I can control myself at work and put forth a positive attitude there, then why not at home? And if I'm unhappy about things, who in the world is going to fix it if I don't? I'm responsible for my own happiness, no one else is. I've known this for a long time, but now I'm recommitting to taking responsibility and really deciding what I let into my life and what I simply dismiss as something I don't want in my life, in my mind, in my heart, in my soul.
I wish all my friends and family the best in 2010. I love you all more than I can say, and without you I would not be who I am. I hope to make you proud this year, this decade, this lifetime. I hope to be someone I can be proud of.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Christmas Cheer
A few pictures, and a video, for your holiday pleasure.
Little Miss, Carly and Owen at her Caroling party (planned completely by her).
The video is us serenading the firefighters across the street
This is my favorite Christmas picture so far, I wish Justin was in it but he's the one who took the picture!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Winner!!!
And...that gorgeously lit house below won the Town of Gypsum's Clark Grizzwald Award!
YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!
We also won runner-up for best light display in our subdivision.
Wahoo!
YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!
We also won runner-up for best light display in our subdivision.
Wahoo!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Chez Kirkland, at Christmastime
These pictures aren't very good, I'm sure some of my photographer friends could do much better...but I'm still damn proud of our Christmas lights this year. Everything is LED except for the fire truck in the front yard. Thanks to my sweet husband Justin for indulging in my obsession, and supporting me both financially and personally. Thanks to Little Miss for creative direction and her patience while I spent many hours putting up the lights. And thanks to God for providing the snow, after I had already gotten most of the lights up and for keeping me from falling off the roof for another year.
And this is the foot and a half of snow we woke up to this morning.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
P90X Finish!
I am officially done with my first round of P90X! It took me about three weeks longer than the actual program to finish. I got off one week during the program, and then as I was starting week 12, I had a very stressful event at work and then I went to Kansas City for a week and ate out at restaurants. At the point before the work event, I was down to 141 pounds, a 28.5 inch waist, 37.5 hips and 23.5 inch thighs. A week in KC put me back up a little bit. I consider this a temporary setback, as I plan to start Revabs and supplement it with some of the weight routines from P90X.
I know that if I had followed the nutrition plan more exactly, I would have gotten better results. However, I am very proud of myself for finishing the program and for the results I do have, and this is just the start. :)
My reward is better health, better fitness, and a size 8 (!) Calvin Klein dress I plan to wear to a Christmas party this season.
Final stats:
Weight Day 1: 149. D
ay 90: 143Chest Day 1: 37 inches, Day 90: 35 inches
Waist Day 1: 33 inches, Day 90: 29 inches
Hips Day 1: 42 inches, Day 90: 38 inches
Thighs Day 1: 25 inches, Day 90 24 inches
Thanks to Justin and Little Miss, without whose support I couldn't have done it!
The above two swimsuit pictures are starting pictures, below are the
finish pictures!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Thanksgiving
I am living a truly blessed life, and I say this with a humble and grateful heart. Here are some of the things I am grateful for, in no particular order and certainly not one more than the other.
1. I am grateful for a husband who loves me and has stuck by me in hard times and in good. We are learning how a marriage lasts forever and ever, we are doing it together. I am blessed to have him in my life, and grateful to him.
2. I am grateful for Jalyne, who delights me every day with her unique view on the world. She reminds me to slow down and enjoy life, to find wonder in the little things, and to embrace every day as a new opportunity. She loves me unconditionally (even though I don't always deserve it) and she remains my "bird of light."
3. I am grateful for an extended family that includes my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, Justin's parents, his grandparents, and his various family members. They remind us of our roots, keep us grounded, love our daughter like crazy, and help us with guidance and child care all the time. What would we do without them?
4. I am grateful for my friends. Susie, Cathi, Ryan, David, and a host of other people nurture my soul, celebrate with me the highs and help me through the lows. My life would be much darker and harder without these angels on earth.
5. I am grateful for a job I love. So many people are stuck in jobs they hate. I am blessed to have a job that allows me to give back to my community and love life while doing it. I never work a day in my life because I love what I do so much it's not "work." It's an act of love.
We have a wonderful house, food on the table, and more blessings than any one family really has a right to. I hope to make my life a song of gratitude, every minute of every day.
If you are reading this, then I am grateful to YOU, because you are someone special to me, and I'm grateful you are in my life!
1. I am grateful for a husband who loves me and has stuck by me in hard times and in good. We are learning how a marriage lasts forever and ever, we are doing it together. I am blessed to have him in my life, and grateful to him.
2. I am grateful for Jalyne, who delights me every day with her unique view on the world. She reminds me to slow down and enjoy life, to find wonder in the little things, and to embrace every day as a new opportunity. She loves me unconditionally (even though I don't always deserve it) and she remains my "bird of light."
3. I am grateful for an extended family that includes my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, Justin's parents, his grandparents, and his various family members. They remind us of our roots, keep us grounded, love our daughter like crazy, and help us with guidance and child care all the time. What would we do without them?
4. I am grateful for my friends. Susie, Cathi, Ryan, David, and a host of other people nurture my soul, celebrate with me the highs and help me through the lows. My life would be much darker and harder without these angels on earth.
5. I am grateful for a job I love. So many people are stuck in jobs they hate. I am blessed to have a job that allows me to give back to my community and love life while doing it. I never work a day in my life because I love what I do so much it's not "work." It's an act of love.
We have a wonderful house, food on the table, and more blessings than any one family really has a right to. I hope to make my life a song of gratitude, every minute of every day.
If you are reading this, then I am grateful to YOU, because you are someone special to me, and I'm grateful you are in my life!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Who are we, then?
dear dar(lin') your mom (my friend) left a message on my machine she was franticsaying you were talking crazy that you wanted to do away with yourself
if we were our bodies
if we were our futures
if we were our defenses i'd be joining you
if we were our culture
if we were our leaders
if we were our denials i'd be joining you
if we were our nametags
if we were our rejections
if we were our outcomes i'd be joining you
if we were our indignities
if we were our successes
if we were our emotions i'd be joining you
you and I we're like 4 year olds
we want to know why and how come about everything
we want to reveal ourselves at will and speak our minds
and never talk small and be intuitiveand question mightily
and find god my tortured beacon
we need to find like-minded companions
if we were their condemnations
if we were their projections
if we were our paranoias i'd be joining you
if we were our incomes
if we were our obsession
if we were our afflictions i'd be joining you
we need reflection
we need a really good memory
--excerpted from Joining You by Alanis Morissette
If we are not all these things, who are we? What are we?
if we were our bodies
if we were our futures
if we were our defenses i'd be joining you
if we were our culture
if we were our leaders
if we were our denials i'd be joining you
if we were our nametags
if we were our rejections
if we were our outcomes i'd be joining you
if we were our indignities
if we were our successes
if we were our emotions i'd be joining you
you and I we're like 4 year olds
we want to know why and how come about everything
we want to reveal ourselves at will and speak our minds
and never talk small and be intuitiveand question mightily
and find god my tortured beacon
we need to find like-minded companions
if we were their condemnations
if we were their projections
if we were our paranoias i'd be joining you
if we were our incomes
if we were our obsession
if we were our afflictions i'd be joining you
we need reflection
we need a really good memory
--excerpted from Joining You by Alanis Morissette
If we are not all these things, who are we? What are we?
Friday, October 30, 2009
Retreat
These pictures are from a retreat our Leadership Team at work attended this week at Sylvan Lake. The top picture is a hillside I drove by on the way to the lake. It had snowed the night before and it's hard to describe how pristine everything looked while I was driving up in the early morning. This picture does not do it justice.The cabin is where we held our retreat, and the lake is the view we had out the cabin windows while we had our retreat.
I am so blessed to live surrounded by God's beauty, and to be able to see the golden eagle I saw driving up to the cabin, and to listen to the owl's call that night as I sat outside by the fire watching the lake settle into the evening and the snow falling.
Black and White
I recently joined a group on Flickr called Minimalist Black and White. This is a photo group that posts pictures only in black and white. I don't post on it (although I probably should) but I love to look at other people's pictures.
I have always loved the stark beauty inherent in black and white photography. The lines are so clean, it's clear where one thing starts and another ends, and even the shades of gray that show up are beautiful.
I sometimes wish life were more like black and white photography. I wish danger zones were more apparent, that things were what they seemed, and that the gray areas held more promise than they sometimes do in life.
I look back over what I just wrote, and I know that life is all about the gray shades. No one is one thing or another, we are all mixtures of black and white and gray and blue and pink and magenta and violet and every other color. We would be boring, colorless.
But my heart is in pain for a friend whose life is lived in shades of gray, of uncertainty. He feels powerless to change what is challenging in his life and thus lives without color. His vision is that of black and white; he's right, everyone who doesn't agree with him is wrong. His black and white vision is his prison. Tonight he's in his own solitary confinement and my heart aches for him.
It's when life gets tough that I wish it were as easy as black and white; it's when I look at where that viewpoint gets a person that I remember black and white is better left in pictures and that life is better lived in color.
Hugs to you, my friend. Hugs to you and I wish I could fix it for you but all I can do is be your friend. I hope it's enough.
I have always loved the stark beauty inherent in black and white photography. The lines are so clean, it's clear where one thing starts and another ends, and even the shades of gray that show up are beautiful.
I sometimes wish life were more like black and white photography. I wish danger zones were more apparent, that things were what they seemed, and that the gray areas held more promise than they sometimes do in life.
I look back over what I just wrote, and I know that life is all about the gray shades. No one is one thing or another, we are all mixtures of black and white and gray and blue and pink and magenta and violet and every other color. We would be boring, colorless.
But my heart is in pain for a friend whose life is lived in shades of gray, of uncertainty. He feels powerless to change what is challenging in his life and thus lives without color. His vision is that of black and white; he's right, everyone who doesn't agree with him is wrong. His black and white vision is his prison. Tonight he's in his own solitary confinement and my heart aches for him.
It's when life gets tough that I wish it were as easy as black and white; it's when I look at where that viewpoint gets a person that I remember black and white is better left in pictures and that life is better lived in color.
Hugs to you, my friend. Hugs to you and I wish I could fix it for you but all I can do is be your friend. I hope it's enough.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Snowflakes Falling
I was driving home from points East today, and watched as the first snowflakes fell, in a storm that promises to be a beast. The first (I think) Winter Storm Warning for the year and I got to drive home as it was beginning. It began (like everything else usually does)...slow. Picked up speed, so that by the time I got to Vail, it was picture-perfect, huge, Christmas-like snowflakes. I went into work for about 45 minutes and when I came out there was about an inch of wet, heavy snow on my car. Thank goodness I had my snowbrush in the car already. And my sweet hubby had snow tires put on my car on Sunday. Justin time. :)
I love winter, and I don't care who around me hates it. There are few pleasures in life better than cozying up on the couch with a blankie, a cup of hot chocolate, relaxing music on the stereo, a good book, and snow falling outside. Now doesn't that sound peaceful? Add in a fire in the fireplace, a dog and a cat sleeping in front of it, and your family cuddled up with you, and that right there is a pretty good depiction of a level of Heaven.
You can talk to me all you want about how shoveling is a pain in the keister, and driving is dangerous, and it's too cold, etc. etc. It's all going in one ear and out the other. Snow makes everything beautiful. It outlines tree branches and makes them works of art. It adds a quality of magic to Christmas lights on houses. It evokes the mystery of Christmas and starts us thinking about how life is much bigger than the little daily pieces of living.
Grouse about the snow if you want to, but don't be surprised when I shout my glee louder than your complaints. :)
I love winter, and I don't care who around me hates it. There are few pleasures in life better than cozying up on the couch with a blankie, a cup of hot chocolate, relaxing music on the stereo, a good book, and snow falling outside. Now doesn't that sound peaceful? Add in a fire in the fireplace, a dog and a cat sleeping in front of it, and your family cuddled up with you, and that right there is a pretty good depiction of a level of Heaven.
You can talk to me all you want about how shoveling is a pain in the keister, and driving is dangerous, and it's too cold, etc. etc. It's all going in one ear and out the other. Snow makes everything beautiful. It outlines tree branches and makes them works of art. It adds a quality of magic to Christmas lights on houses. It evokes the mystery of Christmas and starts us thinking about how life is much bigger than the little daily pieces of living.
Grouse about the snow if you want to, but don't be surprised when I shout my glee louder than your complaints. :)
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Long days and Short Years
October 14, 2004 October 14, 2009
Happy 5th Birthday, baby girl. I can't wait to see what the future holds!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Crystal Clear
Today God coated the world in crystal. Heading down from Estes Park, a freezing fog had left every blade of grass, every pine needle, every barb on the barb wire fence, was outlined in shimmering ice crystals. It was breathtakingly beautiful, ethereal, like being in Heaven itself. I felt so blessed to be there, sharing the sight with my family.
It's hard for me to reconcile such beauty in a world full of so much pain. I am blessed with my health, the health of my friends and family, a job I love that allows me to take care of my family...I feel selfish just listing it all. And yet there are people out there struggling to feed their families, to keep their families together, to keep a roof over their heads. It's so incongruous.
I know God has a plan for all of us, whether we know it or not. I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that we may never know the reasons for things that happen; that the reason may reverberate through generations before coming to fruition, and that it's not for us to know. I trust in God to know what's right. But for the sake of my friend who is struggling through more than one person should really have to...I hope that life eases up for my friend soon. I hope that the reasons for my friend's pain become as crystal clear as the blades of grass this morning, so that the struggle does not appear to be in vain.
On another note, today was the year anniversary of the last day I spoke to my friend, Kim. It was on this day last year that I sat in her hospital room for two hours and we had a heartfelt conversation. I knew at the time it could be our last, and yet I refused to believe it. I'm so incredibly grateful to God that we were given those two precious hours alone, so we could speak freely. When our time was up and I could no longer delay leaving or risk missing my flight, I gave her the longest hug I could, kissed her, and forced myself to walk out of her room, down the hall, down the elevator, and out the hospital door. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
She died exactly one month later.
I'm sure God's reasons for taking her at 33 years old are crystal clear to Him. They are not to me. I am not angry at God. But I miss my friend.
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