To My Daughter

Dear Little Miss,

You are growing up so fast, and now you are six and a half years old. You are learning to read and write, and your intelligence astounds me. You keep me on my toes and challenge me to be a better person. For that, I thank you.

Today: you climbed into bed with us this morning, with your sweet little-girl smell and your tousled hair, and your beautiful sleepy smile. You tried to let us sleep by watching TV in the living room on your own, a beautiful, sweet gesture.

You are learning songs from various musicals for your school show, and some of them are from the movie Annie. So, I dug out my DVD copy of Annie and showed you the parts with the songs. You love the song Hard Knock Life...and I laughed so damn hard when you sang "It's a hard-knock life, for me" when I made you clean up your room! It's funny because I did the exact same thing when I was your age and my mom made me clean up my room!

Time is a funny thing. I sure never expected to show Annie, my favorite movie when I was six, to my six year old daughter. It sure is a sweet feeling, though, even if I did cry through the whole thing, for lost innocence and lost friends.

My hope, in writing this, is that these are the things I will remember about this day, and not all the frustrating things that happened between us, which are normal parts of growing up as mother and daughter together.

I love you, Little Miss, and I always will, no matter what.
Love,

Mommy

National Exposure

I'm so incredibly thrilled to report that I will be presenting two (count 'em, TWO) classes at the 2011 Navigator Conference--the National Academies of Emergency Dispatch annual national conference. In Vegas, no less!

That's right, I get to teach classes at a NATIONAL conference!

I am over the moon excited and thrilled!

I have the best job in the world!

What It Comes Down To

If I needed you, would you come to me?
Would you come to me for to ease my pain?
If you needed me, I would come to you.
I would swim the sea for to ease your pain.
Well the night's forlorn and the morning's born
And the morning's born with the lights of love.
And you'll miss sunrise if you close your eyes,
And that would break my heart in two.

If I needed you, would you come to me?
Would you come to me for to ease my pain?
If you needed me, I would come to you.
I would swim the sea for to ease your pain.
--Don Williams

Bucket List

Subject to revision on a regular basis:

Dance sexy in a slinky dress on a grand piano
Write a book
Reconcile my love for my work with my love for my family
Dance on a mountaintop a la Sound of Music
Present a class at Navigator 2011 at Paris Las Vegas
Dance my brains out at Lady Gaga's concert in Denver
Celebrate 50 years of friendship with Susie and Cathi
Continue to make my parents proud
Continue to live debt-free (excepting the mortgage)
Live my life according to my principles
Get 8 hours of sleep on a regular basis
Find a balance enough to read every day

More as I think of them...

Waterfalls

From a website on dream interpretation:

Waterfalls are a beautiful symbol of rebirth--a cleansing and purification, a washing away of the old so that the new may come into being. If you are standing in a waterfall this can symbolize a form of baptism or initiation. Waterfalls are usually very positive dream symbols and can also be associated with starting a new life in some manner.

My own thoughts:
Waterfalls flow strongly forward until they reach the edge, where they throw themselves fearlessly into space. One whole becomes individual water droplets free-falling into the silky, misty air, reflecting rainbows and fractious light. Separate, but together creating a cascade of a new, different whole. Ever changing, always creating a thing of majestic beauty, their destiny shaped by law of gravity they at once defy and obey. Gracing the air and all around them with their presence, they're a privilege to behold...and impossible to hold.

I feel like I've been standing in the waterfall and am ready to emerge, clean and with eyes freshly cleansed, to see what happens next.

Grace

The older I get and the more I learn about myself, the more unwilling I am to put myself in a position where I have to lie about how I feel. This seems to me an honoring of myself, to appreciate myself and to trust myself enough to know that if I'm lying about it, then it's not worth the time it takes to do. It's not worth the effort I must put forth to put on a happy face and go forth into whatever it is. To do so is a denial of who I am, and who I am is precious enough to protect against falsehood. After all, our actions speak for who we are.

I want to get up in the morning and have the freedom to say "Today, I do what I want because it is important to me, because it honors my life or that of the people most important to me." I do not want to end the day mourning the loss of precious time to conform to some social obligation or constraint, simply because it is what it is expected of me.

Why wait until I am much older to stand up for myself and refuse to do that which does not bring me joy? Would it not be a better use of time, a better way to honor the God who made me and to cherish those whom I hold most dear, to spend my time with them? Who deserves more of me: those whom I love and who love me? or those who make up the rest of the outer world?

I choose to honor my family. I choose to honor my friends, who love me and support me and cherish me for the unique person I am. I choose to live my own life, instead of the one society says I must. I choose to honor myself. It does not make me feel selfish, it does not make me selfish. When I choose to spend my time with or doing for those whom I love, it is a way of cherishing the gifts I have been given, the treasures of the people in my life.

The rest can just quietly slip away, like the unimportant flotsam it is.

Set it on fire